Scoop The Dirt

“You’ve got an ally in the financial world”; “Its your money, not ours”; “We do right by you and your money”…

All tag lines from the new online financial institution called Ally Bank. Built on the foundation of the crumbling automative industry and GMAC Financial Services, Ally Bank was introduced as a rebranded bank for the masses earlier this year. If you have seen any of their commercials then you will know that one of Ally’s major marketing strategies is to try and set themselves apart from other banks by cutting out the fluff, automated phone systems, and bloated service fees that plague other online financial destinations. 

After spending some time reviewing their site and other positive reviews (I always do my research first!) I decided that Ally would be just the place I had been looking to deposit some summer earnings and open a CD with a great interest rate. I figured that if that went well I might even look at transitioning more of my banking business over as my current bank, National City, was recently acquired by PNC out of Pittsburgh and I haven’t quite warmed up to the concept yet. Little did I know what would be in store for me over the next two months…

The application was simple enough and only took a few minutes. I actually completed it while engrossed with my capstone paper. I was immediately drawn to their infamous purple and blue marketing scheme. Being a millenial, I certainly notice these things and Ally seemed like a forward-thinking bank that would be tailored to my needs rather than me having to be tailored to theirs.

Or so I thought. The problems began almost immediately. The application requested that I fax a utility bill and a copy of my drivers license to the application processing center. I found this to be cumbersome and annoying at best, as I had been able to complete other bank applications completely online in the past. Nevertheless, I faxed my driver’s license but was unable to submit a utility bill. As I had explained to the customer service rep on the phone I was in a unique situation. I didn’t have a utility bill as my housing and basic living costs were covered as part of my job with a University and the best I could do is submit a copy of my cell phone bill. Pretty much everyone excepts a cell phone bill as verification these days, right? Not Ally Bank. She explained that I would need to contact the U.S. Postal Service and get a change of address letter. Now my local bank in Illinois and I didn’t get off on the right foot last year and I certainly knew that they were going to be less than forthcoming with this information. It also didn’t help that over the past three years I had moved an average of 2 times/year and my permanent address still pointed to the parentals. Oy Vey! 

Several days later I got a series (like 3) of calls notifying me that my driver’s license was too dark and another copy would need to be submitted. I gladly made yet another copy and as an added bonus included copies of my class schedule and a print off of my graduate student account screen stating both my permanent and local addresses clearly labeled. Then I waited. And waited. …and waited.

By this time it was well into November. I finally called Ally up and spoke to an eccentric man who seemed more concerned about his job security then my current pickle. He stated the obvious: I needed a letter from the U.S.P.S. or a utility bill. I quibbled my same story back to him to no avail and he listed off a myriad of numbers and application statuses and whatnot. I sent yet another copy of my license and came to find out that Ally had run my credit. Now correct me if I am off base here but what more do you need then my social security number, THREE copies of my driver’s license, high school mascot, mother maiden name, birthdate, TWO addresses, phone number(s), email, and now you want my CREDIT!? All to open a simple certificate of deposit? At this point I felt it was almost easier to apply to graduate school then open a friggin’ bank account with Ally (and that is saying something!)

But I persisted. I am not one to quit and I felt like I might be making some progress. 

I waited two more weeks. The semester had kicked up and I was enthralled with room inspections and staff evaluations. I didn’t have time to think about my money anxiously waiting to be CD’d. I got a mysterious email mid-week than simply said “pending application”. The body text was even less helpful and directed me to customer support. I thought I might have finally been granted access to vibrant purple gates of banking awesomeness. WRONG!

For the next week I patiently waited until I arrived home for the Christmas holidays. I was quickly skipping through my ‘To-Dos’ when I noticed Ally. I knew I had to take matters into my own hands. I dialed the number and listened to the elevator musak I had been subjected to over the past two months.

“Hello, this is Tim at Ally Bank, can I get your…”

“My name is Jeremy, my H.S. mascot was a …. and the last four of my soc are…”

“Thanks Mr. Moore. You sound like you’ve been through this a few times?”

“You could say that…”

Tim told me he could help. He even joked about our birthdates being only one day off. I believed he could indeed help. When I left that conversation I felt secure that within the following 24-48 hr. time window he had provided me I would finally be depositing some funds virtually. 

The next day I was awoken at an outrageous hour (11 am on a Saturday is unheard of for me ). I rejected the call and went back to bed. Google Voice translated the voicemail and I discovered that Amy from Ally Customer Service had called. I quickly redialed and got Brian on the horn. He serenaded me with the same security spiel. Then the same consistent waiting as he spoke with “another department”. When he came back on I had already crafted my response but I was optimistic I wouldn’t have to utilize it. 

“I’m sorry Mr. Moore. It looks like we are going to need a utility bill or a letter from the U.S.P.S.”

I took a deep breath and went into a vivid description of the previous two point five months. I told Brian about Tim, and Amy, and John, and Luke. I even told him about my job and how I was a nomad of modern times. I told him that his bank had effectively let me as a customer slip between the cracks and although I wasn’t mad I certainly wasn’t pleased either. I told Brian how disappointed I was that quite frankly Ally Bank sucked at being an ally for me. Brian told me that after I graduated college Ally might be a better option for me. I didn’t quite know whether to be upset, frustrated, or distraught at such misleading marketing. 

And that was it. My courtship with Ally Bank was through. Our status had gone from “it’s complicated” to nothing more and nothing new. 

I was through with Ally Bank. At least for this round.